This post is a little personal, but I've really taken comfort from others sharing real life struggles, and I'm hoping sharing my story can help someone else. This year has brought so many struggles and challenges. I've always heard we experience the most growth through the hard times. Gee- is that ever true! I honestly feel like I had fallen pretty low, my health took a turn for the worse and it has taken many many months of prayer, meditation, and self care to finally be getting back to a place of wellness. It all started last Fall, I see now that it started before that, but Fall is when I overloaded myself with too much pressure and something had to give. That pressure came in the form of a major life change- a potential move. We heard about a place that was going to be coming available for sell next to my parents. Several acres of property, with numerous fruit trees, a small house, studio, and shop. We fell in love with how peaceful the property was, and I was pretty excited about the prospect of gaining a large studio. We were going to need to add onto the house, but this is something that wouldn't be hard to do given the construction experience in my family. This move was going to make sense financially for us, and the sellers were very willing to work with us. Even though we really loved this place, there were still some drawbacks and we still really loved our little cabin even if we did wish it were a little bigger. Adding on had always been in our plans, but that would not be in the budget anytime soon! :)
We started doing quite a bit of praying for direction, do we stay, do we sell? We went back and forth for at least a month, for someone like me- this was so detrimental for my health. I'm a planner, a list maker, and I really really prefer at least 2 weeks notice before a coffee date. Okay, so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but that feeling of unrest like you are not settled in your home really did a number on me. November and December are also my busiest times of the year, and orders far exceeded what I had even expected. While I was grateful and humbled by that, I really really should have had some sort of help to help me through the busy time. Granted my husband helped as much as he could, but the constant Winter snow removal also keeps him pretty busy. I admit to being a little over particular, and just like to see each order going out for quality control. :) To make a long story short, in December I hit burn out like I have never experienced before. I wasn't surprised by this, but I expected it to pass like it always does. Only it didn't.
After making it through the Holiday rush I felt as though I was desperate for a change and felt like I just couldn't work from our bedroom anymore- we both finally decided that we would go ahead and list the cabin and see what happened. Of course, the house wasn't ready to be listed. There was some painting and staging that needed to be done, and January, February and March was spent working on these projects. We staged the girls' room to look like the master since our upstairs bedroom/work space situation was less than ideal... we ended up listing around April, once all of the snow had finally melted. Then we waited...
So January brought the realization that I might have been dealing with more than just general burn out. You guys- It is embarrassing to say that my emotions were all over the place, I was easily irritable, and would get super down over nothing... then feel guilty because I was still well aware of how blessed I was. I was also experiencing heart palpitations on a regular basis. What a state to be in. I immediately suspected my hormones were at play. I have always tried to pray that God would show me how best to care for my body, so this was a very humbling experience. I can remember telling my husband that I felt like I was just a shell of who I used to be. My drive to create was gone, my self motivation had vanished, and my energy level was non-existent, and I felt like I was in a fog. I had never heard of the term Adrenal Fatigue but one day there it was. I couldn't believe how in line it was with what I had been experiencing. I started making little adjustments to manage my stress. I tried to recognize what situations caused my stress level to raise and spent a lot more time really listening to my body. The heart palpitations were very real and scary, and really caused me to acknowledge that I couldn't do it all. I had to say to no to some things. I'm a people pleaser, so this was very hard to do. I also downloaded the headspace app and started using that on regular basis. I cut back on my caffeine, (one cup in the morning and sometimes teecino intsead of coffee) and tried to load up on nourishing foods. I made my own fermented sauerkraut and bone broths, and I began to take up drinking herbal tea in the afternoon. This was a big deal- I've NEVER been a tea drinker you guys. Turns out licorice tea isn't so bad! :) I've been eating clean/higher fat low carb for a few years now, but the past 5 weeks I was more intentional and started eating more Ketogenic and the change has been amazing. I'm walking at least a mile in the morning, 5 days out of the week with my cousin, she's also been a great encourager! In these past 3 weeks my inspiration and motivation has been slowly coming back, my heart palpitations are few and far between, I can think clearly again and you guys I am SO grateful! I give God all the credit, but there is such a peace of mind that comes from knowing I'm doing all that I can to take care of myself. My health is ultimately in his hands, but I do want to do the best that I can with the body he provided me with.
The market had been very slow, and we had started making plans for staying here. A couple of weeks later when we did get a showing- it brought up quite a bit of emotions. Did we really want to sell our house? Nothing came of the showing and we started talking more and more as if we were staying here. Our realtor was advising us to lower the price, but we just didn't feel like we wanted to leave it enough to justify taking less. So last week we took it off the market, and we are both feeling pretty good about it now. I still have plans and secret pinterest boards filled with ideas for the house and studio that will never be. Sometimes I question why we had to go through all this distress, if it was never meant to be, but I do feel like Jaydon and I have grown closer as a result of this. He has been my rock so many times through this ordeal. He always had a positive word, and was so incredibly patient when I required truck loads of it.
However, staying here meant we had to have a different plan for this Winter. Once the snow falls, Cabin fever really sets in. Trying to sleep in your work space doesn't exactly promote the best night's sleep. I have desperately wanted a place that I could close the door to and leave behind for a few hours... and I am finally going to get that space! :) I am SO excited about it that sometimes I think I just might burst. I have ALL the details to share in a future post... but I know this post has been reading like a novel, so I'll save that post for another day. BUT- it's going to be SO good. I have every square inch of space sketched out. :D
I think that about catches you up with all the personal behind the scenes stuff. If you follow me on instagram you know that I had kind of dropped off the face of the instagram world. Some of you even took the time to send me a message checking in on me- So I've felt like this post has been a long time coming. It was just so overwhelming to think about writing! It feels so GOOD to have this post out of the way. ;)
